ATTRACTION AT FIRST SIGHT
It’s funny that I had to share this..But, anyway, this dude!!! I was listening to, today, his name is Kerry Shook, he is a minister of some church. I have been growing to really love him. I mean his show (The Kerry Shook ministries). Oh and if you guys haven’t listened to him before or heard of him, I urge you to “you tube” him and just pick one of his talks and listen to it. You will see what I am talking about, you too will fall in love with him.
The interesting thing is, nothing about what he says and talks about is actually new. Matter fact it’s the obvious things which we always do and face in our lives but he just has a way of delivering his messages. Something about his tone of voice, calls you to just listen to him. He just puts stuff into perspective. So, def, check him out if you havent dont so, “Kerry Shook ministries.”
Anyway, you know, I have noticed this thing about me, when I am going through some-things, I always find myself looking for answers somewhere else, like in a self help book or I google and you tube. Speaking about, “the ERA” finding answers in the internet LOL. Not the pastor, preacher, bishop, parents but the internet! Anyway, that just how much the world has evolved. Surprisingly enough I actually find exactly what I usually am looking for. And, now that I am writing about it, I guess its doesn’t sound too bad after-all, that I always search for answers on the internet. I feel like I should nick name myself the “internet seeker.”
Anyway, back to the guy I was listening to, Kerry Shook. He spoke something I found very profound. Something that made me think about my own LOVE life. His talk was about Marriage and the different stages that people in marriages and relationships go through. He said, a lot of times when we meet a new person and we fall in love with them, usually a lot of people would refer to their story as; It was LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, but actually thats not what it is, instead it’s usually ATTRACTION AT FIRST SIGHT. Did you ever thought of “your love” like this before? Coz I didn’t until I heard him pointed out.
He went on saying, that’s why a lot of time as couples, we find ourselves after a few months or maybe a year of living together, you start questioning and wondering, what you saw in this other person that made you attracted to him because right now, you are seeing nothing but a person full of shit. You are seeing their flaws, their terrible habits, their behaviors and you think to your self, oh my, what have I done? What the hell was I thinking?
Does something like this ring a bell to you? Well, probably yes and maybe no to some. But either way, you are not alone. I swear we all do that at some point in our lives probably after you have had a big argument or when he/she has made you so angry or when he/she has been acting like a man child or like a little girl.
But then what step do you take next? Do you pack your bags and leave or do you just go insane? Coz I am happy to tell you that I just flip the hell out. Like what the F? Seriously!! I have been finding myself saying this lately, I am not meant to be with anybody but myself and of course my kids. I dont know if its just because I am realizing that I am crazy or that I just cant take or keep up with bullshit? I am still trying to figure that out.
Anyway, I have realized though, with maturity and growth, really comes wisdom. As well as being a mother and the woman I am today, there is so much I ask myself when shit goes down in my relationship and I just wanna walk away and not be bothered. If you ever met me before or if you know me well, I am the typical “I dont give a F**” person and I really mean it. Especially when it comes to dealing with dramatic/emotional/sensitive/egotistic men. I just can’t! Therefore, the quick way for me to keep it moving, is usually to walk my beautiful self away before I snap.
But then again, I always, find so much is at stake if I were to make irrational decisions and also there are so many growing pains which I might have to go through to make it. So, one thing I learned from Kerry Shook today, was to always understand that its actually through FIGHTS that people get closer. How? It’s because you are both trying to let the other understand you. The only KEY thing though, is to note what you decide in the END. Are you actually gonna let the fight break you or build you and your union? Truthfully, this statement caught me off guard. Like is he kidding me or is he being real? I thought okay, this dude is just off the chain crazy. But you see, how quickly I jumped into my defense mode? That this guy is crazy? Instead of really looking at the picture he is trying to paint. Well, I told you, I am crazy right? LOL.
You see, its very true though when you seat back and really take that deep breath and be rationalize shit. I am still trying to decide whether it just take a very patient person to look at a crazy fight that she/he just had with their significant other and say mmh “we really love each other, we out to stay together.” Definitely not me! Especially, if I have already decided in my head/mind that “whatever is going on at the moment is bullshit,” you feel me?
And, sometimes I wonder, how did our mothers do it? Tolerating shit? And, then I wonder, as women, have we become intolerant because it’s a type of defense mechanism that we have just created in us so, we find the best way to make shit easier is to keep it moving or is it the society today, pushing on us not to be tolerant anymore and that the “we deserve better” statement just gets in our head when actually, the reality is, the next men you move-on to, will eventually becomes the same as the one you just left with just a different type of bullshit. You feel me?
YOUR TURN: How do you handle your emotions when fights escalate to the highest degree and you just at that boiling point with your man. What usually goes on in your head?